I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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