So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, beer. Big fan.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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