Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
