i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
