I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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