Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
