barbara walters just said penis...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
