They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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