'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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