You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
