Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
