sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
