I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
