guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize