Got a toothbrush?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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