i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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