You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You can't motorboat a personality
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
