The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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