I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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