No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
