i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize