I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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