She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
