yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We need to get me chipped asap
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
