I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
