just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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