I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
now i know why i became what i already was.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize