Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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