At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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