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I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
