bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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