Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
