i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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