she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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