i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
