JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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