Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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