dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was like eating out sand paper
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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