you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
wanna go halves on a baby?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
