forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The air taste purple.
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