FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
