Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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