so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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