The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
