look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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