at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Randomize
