Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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