i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
