I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
