Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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