My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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