I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
