I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
