i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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