Im at strip club and am horny
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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