i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
