IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
