Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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