i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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