i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
