Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
