my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
