I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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