My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
