Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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