you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
