my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I believe in your delicious
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
