I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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