you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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