You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize