Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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