I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
