My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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