so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
