when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize