How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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