Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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