you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
