and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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