Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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