Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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