I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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