im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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