I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
