So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
