Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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