She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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