in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
