There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
