SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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