the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
