Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My dick has a subreddit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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