Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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