Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ok first of all what the fuck
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