frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
