I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
