I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
