You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
