i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
